Sunday, 18 September 2016


Yesterday for the first time ever, i spent my day filming and editing a video with the intention of putting it on Youtube/the internet.

I had seen a couple of videos on youtube of people capturing what they do/where they currently are in life. I thought it was a cool idea and something that would be interesting to look back on in the future, because isn't that the whole point of youtube? Videos to look back on when your older. Well, thats how i think of it anyway. I always thought that if i ever were to get into youtube that it would be something i could look back on when I'm old and can't remember what i was like in my youth. It would never been something i would ever take too seriously. Obviously i would want to take pride in what i put out there but i would hope that i would not be completely absorbed into the Youtube world and always remember that its just a bit of fun.

Turns out that i think of myself as too much of a wanker to be on youtube. I spent all day filming the content of this video and had a clear idea in my head of the concept and how i wanted it to look. Then i spent another few hours editing it, which i am not a natural at either. When all was done i watched it back and was completely mortified. Ugh do i really look like that? Surely my voice doesn't actually sound like that? Why did i say that? Why did i do this? This is so cringy!! ... were just some of the thoughts that entered my head. I couldn't stand to watch it so the thought of putting it out into the internet for other people to see terrified me.

I wondered if the youtube world was full of people who just loved themselves and have a lot of confidence. But then i thought that it might be more me and my lack of confidence. It's a strange world that i like to watch but really do not think i will ever become a part of. I would like to blog more regularly though as this is something i really do enjoy.

So, the video i made will at this point never make it onto the internet. However, i have put together some of the "outtakes" from the filming process. It is mainly clips of myself not knowing what to do/generally pissing about/being vain/being awkward/messing with my hair. Get ready for some major pouting!! For some reason i am ok with the public seeing something where i am mocking myself but being serious isn't something i feel comfortable putting out there. Enjoy.


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